Learning About Myself

Everyone tells you that as a student missionary you learn a lot about yourself. Well I didn’t quite believe it until yesterday.

       The day did not start off the best. I wasn’t feeling so good and so I didn’t do much that morning. I wasn’t even sure I was going to do recorder, but by the time 12:30ish came and Caleb came up for math tutoring, I felt better, plus after doing tutoring I would feel guilty about not teaching, so I gathered everything and went to face the children. The children were ansty, I wasn’t feeling like teaching and so it just was not a good class over all. My tolerance was at an ultimate low and so I was getting on anyone that was not listening. That day it was mainly four of the fifteen children. Towards the end of class my tolerance was shot and my frustration was at an all time high, this caused me to feel like crying. Finally when it seemed like they were ready to listen and do what I told them I gathered myself and tried to get them to play, but they were done so I told them class was done and to bring up their music and recorder. I was crying by then, thankfully it wasn’t straight out bawling, but it was enough that all the kids knew I was crying. When I had mostly composed myself, I looked at the children and noticed most of the girls were crying. Seeing this made me lose the small control I had and I started crying again. Popri teacher (the class 3 teacher) walked in and wanted to know what was wrong. Some of the kids told her in Bangla what had happened and those that had caused the most problems were forced to apologize to me.

       The rest of the time before dinner was spent helping Mrs. Waid email pictures. Give me something technical, something that does not have feelings and I will get over my crying pretty fast! lol When I came down for dinner, both Chantel and Lauren had notes for me. They all said the sweetest things. My favorite two notes actually came from my two favorite girls, Bristy and Sherry. Sherry’s was actually the first one I noticed was crying. She is one of my best music students, so I figured she was crying because we didn’t do much in class. Her note starts off saying: “I love you so much. I am so sorry Heather. I cri for you.” Reading this note almost made me start crying again. Bristy’s note also touched me. She was the one that was acting up the most and just plain wasn’t listening. Her note said this:

“Dear Heather

I Love you so much. I am sorry Heather Please forgive me. can you forgive me. are you Happy now or sad. I am so sad. Jesus Love you and me. Jesus die for us. I no Jesus can forgive me. Jesus with you and your family. Jesus Love you and He will with you.

Love Bristy”

After this experience I wonder how they will be for recorder today, if they will listen better. One can only pray! So what I learned about myself is that as well as a sympathy crier, I also cry when I get very frustrated.